coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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