I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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