First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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