She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
