Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
