Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
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Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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