My first STD was from a foam party
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
21 Worst Confessions on a First Date
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.