I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
she smelled like a LAN party
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.