Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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