i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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