I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize