dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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