she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
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I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?