I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
too bad you live with your parents still
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
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think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina