you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
im six kinds of drunk right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?