That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.