Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.