That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life