Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
