It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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