Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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