ADVERTISEMENT

• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better

  Fav 15 3804 810

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.

  Fav 18 1604 5275

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

  Fav 17 4452 1184

  share tweet
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic

  Fav 6 5317 1203

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.

  Fav 19 3187 1404

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god

  Fav 3 2010 902

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (614): View more from Ohio

  I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.

  Fav 23 1116 2258

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.

  Fav 2 1851 1131

  share tweet
  

• (301): View more from Maryland

  I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Oh god, what has my life become?

  Fav 6 1052 655

  share tweet
  
• 

  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (310): View more from California

  Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.

  Fav 3 797 526

  share tweet
  

• (916): View more from California

  I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday

  Fav 3 659 422

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (631): View more from New York

  Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...

  Fav 1 489 390

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.

  Fav 2 306 153

  share tweet
  

• (360): View more from Washington

  I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.

  Fav 1 604 150

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.

  Fav 0 55 18

  share tweet
  

Randomize