I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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