the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend