I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell