Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.