I just threw up on my dentist
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.