Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
