Dude, you need to talk to your mom
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage