Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY