his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now