Will you blow on my dice?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.