only you would photoshop your dick
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."