i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
