my mouth tastes like poor choices
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
