I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish you could order shots online.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.