I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.