I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.