and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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