she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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