party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
