I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
