That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
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Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped