You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
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I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem