So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night