Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies