I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
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On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
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I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading