Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.