Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID