so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.