Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...