I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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