This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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