no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
