..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
