That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Who wears a wallet chain?!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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