Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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