I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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