i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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