I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize