a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
