Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
