she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize