The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends