we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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