I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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