Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize