like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize