My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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