one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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