I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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