Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
There's even glitter on my cock...
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