Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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