I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Found your dick twin last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude