I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.