Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Someone came in the potted fern
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes