I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
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One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
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I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.