I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.