I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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